We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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