dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
