Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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