She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
