just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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