My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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