apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want a musical about memes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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