Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was CRYING into my vagina
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
