She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
