Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
