Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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