I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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