I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
