I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
