There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
