The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
