I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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