I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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