and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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