I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
