There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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