Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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