its not stalking. its research.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
