Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
