I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
