Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
