for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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