and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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