Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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