well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
