I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
