i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
