dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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