think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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