70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
