Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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