wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
