She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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