And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
