Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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