More tranny stories later!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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