he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
