I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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