Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
