babies were throwing up all over the place
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
