I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
