DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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