I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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