Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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