im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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