remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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