I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
