I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
