i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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