if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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