...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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