please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
