I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
