I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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