I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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