she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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