I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
