so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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