So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
