this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
