Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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