Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
