I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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