So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
